Dairy Queer

If you think I am wasting your time again, No, you're wasting mine.

So I guess I am over my sexual issues. Last night dreamed about mike driving. We were running errands in a green van. Canadian tire and grocery shops and what not. It was winter and the roads were slushy and slippery. His driving was a little wild for those weather conditions. For some reason he made me sit in the back like a child. A like a child, on the way to his parents house to return the van, I pissed my pants. I just started peeing and I couldn't make it stop. I was all like "what the fuck am I going to do? This is so terribly embarassing." Barb thinks that my incontinence is my subconscious telling me I am losing control over myself. I cant let this get out of hand.
I am really bummed but I know that there is no point in feeling that way. I am putting so much pressure on myself, it could be unhealthy. I mean the whole point it to relax right?
I am currently working on my fear of 3:30 am. Its going well.

Mike, I am listening. Whatever track 10 is, its my new favorite song even though I only have 1:03 of it! Which I am kind of pissed about. Your music is awesome. Everything, song writing, style and lyrics, is so amazingly original. The Canadian music scene needs refreshing. Now would be a great time. Are you planning on putting out your album independently? Is that why you feel you must record and entire album? Maybe you should think about sending out three complete bestest songs and do the rest with a producer, because you know that one of them will pick you up. If only they could hear it.
Possibly HIM!?
I think he is the best idea ever!
or maybe,
weewerk is a tiny collective devoted to presenting contemporary art and underground music, and an independent record label. First founded in the Toronto apartment of artist-curator Germaine Koh and indie-rock mogul Phil Klygo, weewerk is now nomadic.
info(a)weewerk.com
or
Hardwood for Heywood?

I got a card from the staff at work today. That seems like another life. Its sunny and warm and I want to hang outside but threes roofers doing the roof next door and they will look at me or worse, try to talk to me. Yes I am too good for the company of roofers, no, not really, I'm scared of them. I was drinking milk in my kitchen and when I looked out the window there he was looking back. Son of a bitch. I think I made a disgusted face.


Steph is coming over tonight to watch a movie about queer club kids. Should be good times.


ooo please don’t get too excited
oooo maybe you’re not invited to my action adventure
my action adventure dream

posted by Natalie @ 10:31 AM

This is what I would look like if I really was a manga character. got to http://www.dcs.st-and.ac.uk/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/morph/upload_image_auto 

posted by Natalie @ 3:18 PM

With a pull on a thread and a split, fall back open. What a fool to believe for a minute that I could hold it.

Some times I am smoking and then I am not and I don't know how it happened.
other times I am eating or drinking and I all of sudden get a lump in my throat because I am scared that I am spontaneously going to forget how to swallow, leading to a choke.
there are times when I cant stop thinking about car accidents.
I need to take more chances.
I need to cut down on the sugar.
I need to change my mind.
I want to go to Georgia and live there, in like buttfuck nowhere, like Athens Georgia. Home of the Peach! Purrfect for me. The other place I imagine would be perfect for me is a metropolis in Germany. I could dress the way that I really want to dress but cant because I would get the shit kicked out of me daily. Yeah, but I have been slowly edging towards that garb so slowly that no one will notice the transition. I don't want the shock value.

You know what I love?, the idea of Metrosexuals. Sounds like the coolest stereotype label I've ever heard.

I have been working on this painting and it keeps changing directions. It has control over me when it should be me over it. I just don't know where to take it now. Its been a month! A struggle! fuck!
I drew a bitmap of it because I don't have a digital camera and I cant charge any more picture messaging to my phone this month. Its a still life with a severed arm.
The diagnosis,

So Farr...
Lacking life.



oh yah, I highjacked Mikes blog and made him more...hmm.... ethnic looking, check it out before he takes it down.
His reaction: 'who do you think you are doing that, you have no right ?!'
My reaction: ...............................




(I was supposed to change my blog title from Dairy Queer because I finally had some, but now I kinda like it.)

posted by Natalie @ 8:12 PM

I luv it when you call me big papa

Hey, Remember him?



Yes, Evil Stephen Dorff. You remember. Of course you do.

Well there is more to it....



Evil Stephen Harper.

Leader of the "conservative" political party.
conservative is the word they are using now to describe pure bitchy, corrupt, damnable, destructive, hateful, heinous, maleficent, nefarious, no good, obscene, sinful, vile, villainous evil.
Alphabetical, how you like them apples?
No wait, the word conservative has always represented evil. Jesus was a liberal, I don't know who they thought they were fooling.
The key is looking into their eyes.
Possibly Lucifer and Satan, yes?

The never ending Good versus Evil, huh.

Midnight sucks hard. I feel harsh and romantic. And lonely because of it. Probably, the thunder storm is behind all this. I always pictured myself and "the boy" dressed scantily clad in the dark, poised over the back of the couch looking out the window, quietly watching the storm. The lightening flashing ect... Now that I have made you all barf with fluffiness...I have one final announcement...Chewing your headphone wires gets you NOWHERE FAST.

I just downloaded Soup. Shannon hoon, possible angel, not enough supporting evidence. Im calling Grisom in the A.M.

posted by Natalie @ 12:06 AM

DVD Special: Five Finger Discount

Last night I took a vacation from my place and stayed and at Mikes. Suppa girly sleep over style! We had extra tasty bleeding zombie ice cream cones. Gave us both stomach cramps. We tried getting his new satellite dish working and when we finally did it was some fucked up signal with channels no one knows about, mostly TV South America. Which is better than French stations but still, come on. I flicked through all five hundred and what ever channels just to make sure we weren't missing anything spectacular. He then accused me of pushing a button I didn't push that fucking everything up so it was only 28 radio stations, which I so did not do! So I colored a picture of prince Tuesday on the lap top and created my own south park character who ended up looking a lot like Trent Reznor with a lolly pop. I would have cut and pasted it here but it doesn't let you. We ending up talking til 4 am B4 passing out. Who needs drugs, booze, sex and rock'n'roll?
Not us!
I am going to lay down for a smidge and then paint all the rest of the day. Maybe watch the 28 days later DVD that I lifted from his house... kee kee keeH!

posted by Natalie @ 11:16 AM

I've always wanted to have a neighbor just like you, I've always wanted to live in a neighborhood with you.

Today I am domestic biz lolly. I cleaned my ass off. Even the dog and now I am the only thing that stands dirty and alone. I even skipped watching Mr. Rogers at noon.

that's King Friday he represents "the Man" in make believe society. He can be an asshole. He keeps the others down by playing naive and his spreading lies. His son Prince Tuesday is representative of rebellious and sexually confused youths.

With the death of Mr. Rogers I began to crave doing my own show. Filling in his shoes. A Miss. Rogers if you will. I would have my own puppets, shoes and sweaters and teach caring and sharing. And YOU could audition to be MR Mcfeely. Then crazy guy could come on and do a happy and clappy song. Yeah, that would rock. I am going to need everyone's help. There is a position on the team for each and everyone of you. There is one thing I will be leaving out.......


Lady Elaine, I don't even know what that shits about. When I was little that raving alcoholic used to scare the bejesus out of me . My mom used to have a friend Corrine that reminded me of her. But thankfully that bitch is history. And the guy who did the Doctor Who theme music can help me write my theme song. YAH! Now I am excited.

Last night was the premiere episode of the ninth doctor who. Barb and I watched it and loved it. The Doctor is so emo, its rules!



Im so excited I have to go take a shower and calm down.

posted by Natalie @ 11:50 PM

I can feel his heart beating against my knee

The bebe geeses were very cute. Surprisingly smart. Their little arms are the best part. They don't have real feathers yet, just fuzz, so they weren't wings.

yesterday mike and I watched the return of the cat. It had good elements for sure. However things would just happen with no explanations. Which is a lot like real life I guess. Specialy mine. It was a little confusing. The best part was that all the black and white cats were CIA agents. That's fucking cool. I have only ever had black and white animals for pets. They seem to have more/stranger personalities than other colors but I have no first hand experience.

I watched this show late last night called 'super dogs' or sumthin I don't remember. Poodle's were #2 on the top ten. They called them the dogs with the human brains. My dog is mostly poodle and his is like having a bratty 2 year old brother. He listens to us humans talk to each other not only when we talk to him. He understands more than I give him credit for. for this reason I don't like to be naked in front of him.

I also watched a show before 'super dogs' that was about hermaphrodites. Sexual confusion must take a huge toll on the suffers. Imagine not knowing if you are a boy or a girl. I mean that defines so much of who were are and how we fit into society. Think of public washrooms. Imagine you are at a restaurant and you have to piss. You have one testicle in your abdomin that will drop down when its good and ready and very small penis where a clit would be and one ovary and a uterus on the inside. On the outside you look almost genderless a large portion of your genital area is covered with extra skin but maybe depending on your age that testi has dropped and is hanging. A little bit. Most of the people in the program last night looked like they could be either man or woman depending if they waxed their eyebrows or not. Yes; imagine that.
there was one case where a woman gave birth and the doctors wanted to do surgery right away to make it a girl. The mother didn't want them to because she didn't know if her child would grow to be masculine or feminine. Which is a very good point. You take it and make it a girl and inside the child grows to feel like a boy or vise versa. According to the suffers in the show, it happened to them like that, made one gender and they grew up to feel like the opposite. Poor people. I cant even begin to fathom that. The doctors told the mother that they were going to do a biopsy to make sure the testi wasn't cancerous. They removed it without permission anyway. Now the boys body will never produce testosterone so he is isn't growing on his own. He is 7 and looks 4 still. So he is taking growth hormones and soon, because he is more masculine, will start taking testosterone and have to take it for the rest of his life. If he didn't he would grow breasts. The parents are suing but no money is ever gonna fix this poor kids situation. that doctor is a bastard asshole.

Nova should be on all the time. There should just be a nova channel.
on the weekend I also watched some TV. I watched the history of nuclear weaponry. I cant even believe what they did in the 1950s and 60s. I was telling some one about how they put (and by put I mean they strapped down and shove a bucket of food in front of its face to stay alive so that they could die from the explosion or radiation) lambs on ships and dropped nukes in the region and it was all I could do hold in my tears. Maybe I am too sensitive or maybe some people are just vicious and fucking care less. Some times......
I am shocked and awed!

and that's all the TV I watched. Some times...........
I read books and be social instead.

but right now... I am going to give my little tuxedo puppers a bath bath. Not to his delight.

posted by Natalie @ 3:17 PM